An Incident with the Poseurs of Park Slope - Finale
- Part 1
As the 80's skater poseurs and the urban subversion poseurs surrounded Brady and I--all of whom were hooting, hollering, and whipping heavy chains in the air--one thought went through my mind.
I wonder if they'd take me shopping with them next time? I need some new duds.
The 10 year old hipster continued his verbal assault on their lack of leadership skills.
"Fuck you, poseurs! You need to learn how to stop being poseurs!"
"How we gonna do that, snoop doggy dogg hogg and frog?" replied one of the urban subversion poseurs with an extraneously long skull cap that went down to his ankles. He whipped his heavy chain at Brady's empty cup of Dippin' Dots. He missed by a few feet and almost struck a feral Park Slope baby. The baby scamped away.
"My friend Nate will show you how!!" declared Brady.
"Oh, no, don't get me involved," I said aghast, as I fumbled in my pocket for my pepper spray keychain. Perhaps if I shoot Brady in the face with an aqueous burst of concentrated cayenne powder, he will be unable to drag me into this beating we are about to receive.
Brady continued, "He won the SAT. He's a gifted genius—the REAL DEAL. Totally not a poseur! Show 'em, Nate. Show 'em all you know!"
He has a point.
"Come on, smarty pants! Why don't you show us how to be cool, Mr. Cool?" ranted a voice from the incensed crowd.
"Fine." I waved my hand like a wand across the rabid maniacs. "First, you must put down your bags of Fritos."
"What are we gonna eat?" a skater howled, "He's trying to starve us!"
"Next, you must stop talking about your Fantasy Football teams."
"But... but!" they all whimpered in unison.
"And finally. You must all take up jelqing--the all natural male enhancement."
I performed a demonstration on jelqing before the transfixed audience.
One by one, the heavy chains the poseurs were going to maim us with, dropped to the pavement. The stunned, silenced mob began to disperse. The crises was diffused!
"I did it! I did it! I stopped the angry mob," I yelled out. "High five! Brady, give me a high five. Where'd you go. Hey! Where's everybody going?" I pulled up my pants, "Hey, wait for me! You all think I'm cool, right? Guys???"