Attention Human Resources! I Could Totally Be the White Guy in Your Next Multi-Ethnic Advertising Campaign
- Attention Human Resources!
Are you seeking a bold and dynamic white man for your next multi-ethnic advertising campaign? Your search is over, child.
My skin tone and average looks will blandly compliment the skin tones and average looks of people from all races: Native Indians, Orientals, Hasidics, Latinos, Lezzies--even Black People!
But you're probably thinking, "I wonder how this white guy will take next to a retard or some cripple?" I beg you to stick me next to a retard--gosh! that would be a dream come true!--and you'll see exactly what I'm capable of!
Advertising executives choose me to be their token white guy because I emote a commercial vibe that says to white people, "Now that's a white man I could probably trust--maybe. But not with my kids," and I appeal to non-whites in a way that screams, "Ooooohhhhhh!!! I HATE WHITE PEOPLE!!!! HOW CAN I DEFACE THIS?!?!?!" All races can connect and react to me.
Sir or madam, enclosed is my modeling portfolio. I implore you to peruse my high resolution photos and choose me for your next multi-ethnic advertising campaign. Blanket my nonthreatening averageness across this great city!
When you need to make the WHITE choice, make the RIGHT choice!
Very Truly Yours,
Back row, left
Far right, wearing wig. This ad was for sex toys.
I really do look good next to someone in a wheelchair.
Pictured extreme left; The C stands for Caucasian.
I didn't get placed in this one.
I'm also a hand model.