Other Things Electronic Arts has Landed the Exclusive Rights To
- No one likes competing for things--especially the world's largest software developer, Electronic Arts. In addition to their industry shocking multi-billion dollar exclusive acquisition of the NFL license, they've recently secured the exclusive rights to the NHL too. Soon, all sports games will be made by the same gaywad company. This is fantastic news! Drunk on its own power, I've found that Electronic Arts has been buying up and hording all sorts of things:
--All the poop that comes out of your anus
--Exclusive fingerbanging rights to your girlfriend
--Terri Schiavo's cremated remains
--The movie option to the tragic demise of my former landlady
--A summer share on the Jersey Shore
--One Crunch Wrap Supreme from Taco Bell.
--8 Minute Abs
--Lots and lots of roofies
--Chapelle Show Season 3, for private viewing only.
--A black dildo factory
--The Dollar General dollar store chain so EA can vertically integrate a nationwide dumping ground for all their sporting titles once a new year comes out.