Congratulations College Graduates!
Congratulations college graduates! To my Spanish readers, Feliz Navidad college graduates! To the Germans, Glückwünsche!
Could I have said those words had I myself not graduated from college? Never.
Let me share with you the pride I feel when I stare at the diploma above my workdesk. The diploma above my workdesk is something I can feel proud of. It tells me who I am, how many bad decisions I've made, and where I’m about to go. It says to executives and other passersby, "This guy isn't no stupid idiot. He has a degree. With someone else’s name on it. From a fake school, most likely. Certainly, printed off his computer using ancient Print Shop publishing software and a dot matrix ImageWriter II."
A college diploma is your passport to success. It's something you can take with you to job interviews. Upon meeting potential employers at that crucial first interview, it is common practice to shake hands with your right hand and transfer your degree with your left. Keep your icy, menacing eyes locked on the interviewer. Allow him or her to feel, in complete silence, the gravitas of the moment and the history behind that degree.
Ah... as I look up at the diploma above my workdesk, smug self-satisfaction washes over me. Everyone said I couldn't do it. But I did it. Look where I am today. I'm living paycheck to paycheck in New York City and I'm the 2nd Assistant to the Vice President of Consumer Affairs' Assistant at Burning Bridges Greetings in charge of ordering binder clips for all of our North American offices. I could never have made it ALL THIS WAY without a college degree and the advantages known as white privilege.
Congratulations college graduates! I look forward to welcoming you to the workforce someday.