Yard Sale! - Part 2
- Part 1
"Come back with my tuxedo!" I shrieked as I chased after a wanton mongoloid. He barrelled down 5th Avenue, Brooklyn, and I was hot on his trail. I can't believe this guy would come to my yard sale and try to run off with my priceless tuxedo!
A well timed slide tackle brought the burglar to the pavement. The tuxedo flew from his hands and landed in a scum puddle on the edge of the sidewalk. I pinned and mounted the criminal UFC style and started punching him in the face.
A crowd began to form.
"Hey buddy, what are you doing?" a man in pleated khakis asked.
"What does it look like! I'm cleaning up the streets," I breathlessly shouted as I landed a jab in the robber's fat gut.
"But he's just a retard. Why are you punching him?" a crotchety woman with purple hair chimed in.
"Let the retard up. He's harmless," said a dude holding an issue of Radar Magazine.
"Stop hitting that helpless retard," motioned a girl eating a bomb-pop.
"I find it culturally insensitive that you all keep calling him a retard," I gasped while rifling through my enemy's pockets for his wallet or some cash.
"He's trying to steal that retard's wallet!" a passerby on a low-rider bicycle added.
A Rastafarian in cargo shorts pulled me off my assailant. "Just chill, dude. That retard isn’t going to take your tuxedo."
The crowd stood around my thief and we watched as he slowly reestablished consciousness and came to his feet. He shook his head and wiped the dirt off his sweatpants. He looked wearily around at all of us watching him then looked at the tuxedo that was still on the ground. He gave us one more groggy look.
Then he snatched the tuxedo and began sprinting!
"AFTER HIM!" I howled.
To be continued!