My Problem with Mother's Day
- Whereas Mother's Day is like the biggest day of the year for restaurants, florists, and anal lube manufacturers, sadly, the Burning Bridges line of Mother's Day cards simply wasn't moving.
Mother's Day is really confusing for me. As astute readers might recall, I have a dual set of post-op transexual parents. Who doesn't these days? But, let's say I buy Mother-to-Father a pretty teardrop necklace, she-to-he starts bawling, telling me I'm oppressing her gender identity. If I buy Father-to-Mother a nice tennis bracelet, he-to-she reminds me, "I hate jewelry! Just because I drink estrogen in milkshake format, doesn't negate the fact I used to have a fat sack of semen, you know."
So on Mother's Day, instead of buying anything for either one of them, I simply send a blank card addressed to both that says "Congratulations Trannies."