Cinco de OH NO!
- I saw a curious bodega selling the following items on a sidewalk in Park Slope today.
-Girls’ t-shirts with shiny fonts and cute phrases like "Chica Caliente," "Muy Bonita" and "Estupido Maricon"
-Fake immigration documents
-Sunless Tanning Cream
-Baseball bats to be used with pinatas or for beating French expeditionary marauders.
I picked up a couple tubes of Sunless Tanning Cream and walked across the street where I saw another sidewalk sale with this stuff for sale!
-French marauding gear.
-Girls' t-shirts with cute phrases like "Trop chaud," "Fille Mignonne" and "Je suis un homo"
-Baseball bats to be used for beating indigenous Mexicans.
-Posters of Archduke Maximillian
-Idiot’s Guide to Colonizing Foreign Land book
I bought some posters. And then it struck me. Hey, wait a second, what's today? The 5th of May... Cinco de...
Just then, a nearby church bell ominously rang out and other pedestrians on the sidewalk grabbed their kids and scuttled inside their tenement buildings. Slowing cars abruptly stopped in both lanes of the street. Oh my God! Someone help me!!! People dressed like the Three Muskateers stormed out of one car firing rifles and hurling epees. In the other car, dudes in ponchos, pulled out glocks and lobbed Molotov cocktails fashioned out of Corona bottles.
As the cars sped off, both concession stands were completely decimated and dozens lay dead in pools of blood.