Yard Sale! - Part 1
- Now that my roommate Debbie has resettled my no-alcove starter studio, space has become a valuable commodity. Every day we languidly take turns sitting in the single lawnchair in the living room while the other sets their elbows on the armrests. If things got any more cramped, I'd have to sleep with my Polish sausage literally in her sweet peppers & onions.
So we decided to have a yard sale on a sunny Saturday afternoon!
We gathered all of our possessions and dumped them on the front steps of our brownstone. The junk littered the sidewalk and spewed into the street, effectively halting all pedestrians and vehicle traffic coming into the building/down the road.
As I prepared my voice for a day of obsequious salesmanship, I positioned Debbie behind a series of nearby trash cans so people wouldn't see her and think our yard sale funds terrorism. (She wears a burqa)
For the first hour we were open, people clumsily ambled through/sped with their cars over our things as they went to wherever they were going.
A retarded man in elastic sweatpants approached the shopzone, "How much for dat stupid looking tuxedo?"
That's right! It was worn by the legendary Billionaires for Bush activist, Gary Poupon Jr., heir to the Grey Poupon fortune... He's dead now," I added.
"Yeah yeah, I don't care. How much?" the surly mongoloid snapped.
"I'll give you 50 cents," he volleyed back angrily.
"Hmmm... That seems kind of low. Surely, you realize the value of couture this haute."
"I have a better idea," said the man. "I'm just going to take it." The retard snatched the tux and took off sprinting down the street.
"WTF! Watch the merch, Debbie!!" and I flailed after him.
To be continued!