Good one, asshat!
- An asshat is someone, generally a white male dressed in pleated khakis, who blurts out the most non-witty comments to impress crowds of strangers when something barely notable happens around the group.
Yesterday, I was on a packed rush hour subway looking at documents. A drunken and bruised panhandler with skinny trackmarked twig arms comes onto the car, pushing through the sardine crowd lamely pleading, "Please, please, for the love of God, would someone fucking give me 65 cents. 65 cents, that’s all I need. Come on! Someone. Please. Pleeeeeease. 65 cents."
Someone finally hands him 65 cents. The vagrant counts the change and then says, "Ugh… I just need uh… 45 cents now. 45 cents, is all I need. Someone. Pleeeeeease. 45 cents."
This derelict is one of the lingering kind, who gets in everyone's face while wrecklessly bumping into other people. He is definitely wasted.
The subway comes to a stop. The dude shoves his way out of the car to hop aboard the next one.
When the coast clears, the asshats speak…
Asshat 1: 45 cents, that's ALL that guy needs! Sheesh! (chuckles from other asshats)
Asshat 2: He probably just needed 45 cents to pay off his final mortgage payment!
Asshat 3: No no. It was to finish fixing up his private jet!! (high fives the mortgage payment guy)
Asshat 4: Maybe he's a venture capitalist investing in a liquor company that’s working on 300 proof alcohol!!! (periphery erupts in laughter)
Me: Good one, asshats!!!! (sneers all around)