About the New SAT
If I told you my cock was 10 inches and then namby-pamby good-for-nothing Austin Weiss (pictured) told you his was 25.4 centimeters, who are you most likely going to boink? I'll answer that. Me! Why? Because we don’t care much for the metric system ‘round these parts. You hear that, Weiss?!
I’ve lashed out at SAT winners in the past, but recent events in the bastardizing of the SAT call for lots of jealous moaning and childish foot-stomping on my part. As you may have heard, scoring a 1600 on the new SAT means that you’re a brainless fatty nitwit—one bong rip away from a career making change at the laundromat. A 2400 on the new test means that you win. Austin is one of the new winners.
*claps twice really bitterly*
Prize winning intellectuals are on my side. Last week, Conan O'Brien railed on Late Night against the College Board for making his SAT Analogy segments obsolete. Granted, he also slandered the Gregorian calendar when it decreed his In the Year 2000 segments post-ironic, but facts are facts. The new SAT is totally lame!!
Oh look! Austin Weiss split 4th place with 2 other Region 9 students in the 2001-2002 California Math League. Control F to see the truth.
I’m not some fading sports hero put to the pasture like Michael Jordan or Tonya Harding--I'm not! Listen to meeee! I’m still The Game. A certain Bret Hart slogan comes to mind whenever I catch a glimpse of my reflection, "I'm the best there is. Best there was. Best there ever will be."
So, basically, when I say on my sidebar that I scored a 1600 try not to think of me as a brainless fatty nitwit. I'm still a winner. And Austin, you can keep your metaphoric metric penis measurements. We know who's packing the most heat.