Welcome Metro Readers!
- You are the audience I crave—hip, young transients who love not paying for things and are instantly bored by articles exceeding 4 paragraphs in length. You, the reader, are like the strands of saliva betwixt a slobbering open mouth kiss occurring right now between Metro and me. Isn’t it electric?
For those living outside of New York, Metro is a free commuter paper here that presents all the day's news and gossip in fun, easy to read bites. Today I was chosen as Metro’s "Blog of the Day." See page 14.
Making the extremely gratifying leap from blogprint to newsprint hasn't changed me much as a person. I'm still the go-to guy in charge of ordering binder clips for all our North American offices at Burning Bridges Greetings, The Brooklyn Stretched Escalade Company continues to take me to and from wherever I freakin' want, and every night, I still make my butler draw my daily bubble bath with 30 gallons of steamed milk and rolled oats—just like before.
Don’t fear, I'm the exact same guy—only my name is buzzing on the lips of every beautiful person in the tri-state area. I’ll continue to use my astounding brainpower to tend to my duties as a senior leader in the Alliance of Power, the world’s first online blogger gang. Also, I'll go on reluctantly living with my revived roommate Debbie—despite everyone's opinion that she’s a boring piece of trash. There’s no way, however, that I'm letting her stupid cat move back in with us. I'm the same guy--see?
Attention Metro Readers! Wake up! I've surpassed the 4th paragraph and we can all agree this blather has become totally boring. Feel free to come back every Monday thru Friday until one of us dies for new updates.