First Day at the New Job -- The Finale!
- "You're fired! You're fucking fired! Do you hear me?!" Bobo Bridges slam dunked his bland sandwich on the floor for emphasis. Mr. Bridges' combover was visibly startled by the sudden angry movements.
"But can’t I explain?"
"No! We don’t have room for liars and people devoid of integrity at the Burning Bridges Greeting Card Company."
Wagging a wrinkly finger Bobo carried on, "On your resume you declared in your skill set that you are an expert at document handling. But when I gave you a stack of documents to review today, you stared at them blankly! You didn't even know how to hold the documents or how to operate a finger-stickie—a condom like device for your finger that allows for easy page checking. I came back to your desk an hour later and you continued to sit there agonizing over what to do with the documents."
"Bobo… I’m so sorry. I can learn. Please… Forgive me."
"Never. Get the fuck out of my company, Sebastian Tolliver!"
I was lurking outside of Bobo's closed office, ready to surprise him with the news that I’ve been in the bathroom all day and not totally hungover and missing my first day of work, when I overheard—by means of cupping my ear to a drinking glass to the door—all the shouting.
As you may recall, I stumbled on a mysterious floor in the building, that had a receptionist in a burqa whose head obscured a neon sign that said The Council of... Sadly, I had no time to waste piecing together what it all was, so I found the nearest stairwell and snuck in through the back of the BBGCC and tiptoed up to where I'm at now.
Sebastian wrecklessly flung open the door, striking me in the nose.
"THIS COMPANY SUCKS! Oh, and Nate, I see you and I’m still going to kill you!" Sebastian squealed in his signature 80's cock-metal voice as he stormed away towards the elevator banks, "Just you wait!"
"Nate--Good! You're here. I was worried you quit already. That guy is a kook." Bobo patted me on the butt.
"He sure is Mr. Bridges. He sure is...," I responded, rubbing my sore face and pushing Bobo's hand away simultaneously.
"How are you with documents?"
"I'm all for 'em."
As the sun set on my first day on the job, both literally and figuratively, I wondered some serious questions. What maniacal schemes does Sebastian have in store for me? What is going on at the enigmatic 32nd floor? When is my next break?
From the Webmaster: The First Day at the New Job Boxed Set