Why did I go on MTV's Room Raiders?? - Part 2
- Part 1
Clutching a moldy shower curtain to my naked loins, I raced to rip down the wall poster of Celine Dion caressing her "miracle" as I threw down my wallet and shattered a glass peanut jar filled with loose change across the dirty hardwood floor. While struggling to hurl out the window a Yaffa block jammed with the oversized dildos my former roommate left behind, I felt an Enzuigiri connect with the back of my skull right before blacking out. I was subsequently bristled out of my apartment by the Room Raiders production staff.
I awoke on the floor of an Astrovan, sandwiched between 2 other groggy looking dudes. I peered out a side panel, and it seemed we were parked in front of a Wal-Mart and the crew was out shopping. Looming near us was a TV with a video camera duct taped to the top of it. The power was on.
I tried to kick open the un-unlockable rear doors and I howled “Let me out!!!” at least twice before deciding my efforts were totally futile. MTV had me right where they wanted me.
The groggy dudes came to upon hearing my helpless wails.
“How did they get you guys?” I inquired tenderly.
“I was hit in the gut with a sledgehammer,” said a dude whom I looked better than.
“They got me with a steel chair,” said the other dude whom I looked way better than.
“Wow.” I replied. I felt really great about looking better than both these guys. We introduced each other and I noticed they weren’t making eye contact with me. It then struck me that I was still without clothing.
“Hey! Get off my shower curtain, you stupid gays!”
I pulled it out from under them and wrapped my torso in embarrassment.
All of a sudden, the TV turned on and a girl appeared on the screen.
To be continued!