A One Sided Conversation with My Subway Sandwiches Representative
“Hi Enrique. Nice to see you again too. *Exchange of angry glares* Could you put on another pair of plastic gloves please? Thanks.”
“I’ll take a footlong Meat Patty on Parmesan Oregano, no wait… I’ll try the Taco Flavoring & Colby today. Switch things up a bit.”
“Hmmm…how about lettuce…uh tomato. Lots of pickles. More than that. Okay, that’s good. Take some of those off. Do you guys have endive? Oh, I love endive. What about cardoon? It’s like an artichoke, sort of. No? Hmm. Well, what about plump aubergines cut into julienne shoestrings? Excuse me, you probably know them as eggplants. Do you carry those? The Subway by my apartment has them. No? Maybe I’m thinking of Blimpie’s. Why’d you ask me what veggies I want if you’re just gonna tell me you don’t have them. Oh… I’m supposed to choose from the ones in the buckets. How would anyone know that? Is there a sign?”
“I see the sign. Yeah, I see it. Christ. PLEASE CHOOSE FROM VEGETABLES IN THE BUCKETS. I can read. Shut up and make my sandwich.”
“Okay… some of those spicy peppers… um… what was that? Excuse me?? I know what that word means, hombre. Hablo espanol. I love butterflies too. Are you gonna make my sandwich or do I have to make your manager make my sandwich? All right. Jeez. Vinegar and oil… salt and pepper…mustard, mayo, hot sauce, some A1, red wine vinagrette, a splash of thai sesame… do you have Ranch Dressing? Great. Awwwwww yeah. Keep it coming. More. More. More. Almost there. More. More. A bit more. Mucho mas. Not quite. Keep it on the sandwich. Does no good for me if it’s on your cutting board. Put a drizzle on the top of the bread. Okay. Just a little bit more."
"Perfect. Can you cut that into eighths? I like eating them as finger sandwiches."
"5.89? I don't think so, slick. I'll in fact be using my club card today. Please ring up the appropriate price.”