Hold on Hopes Ashlee Simpson, We Can Fix this
It’s so easy to pick on Ashlee Simpson. I once stood guilty of this, but then I had a change of heart and decided I should be saying nice things to her because no one else was. I have a new plan to salvage this music icon’s singing career.
In professional wrestling, two key terms are often thrown around: faces and heels. Faces are the good guys. A heel is bad guy. The classic heel will punch you in the penis, or steal your girlfriend, and he often is named Triple H. Both the face and heel are crucial elements to building momentum for a match. In the world of wrestling, if you can draw jeers from the crowd, you’re just as valuable as someone who gets cheers. Sometimes wrestlers will go from good to bad in what’s called a heel-turn. When Shawn Michaels tossed his tag team partner, Marty Jannety, through a glass window, his actions as a bad guy ignited the launch of a brilliant career.
Ashlee Simpson did the ultimate heel-turn on SNL by bludgeoning the nation in the head with a steel chair. And believe it or not, she’s done a spectacular job as a heel ever since!
When 72,000 people erupt into violent boos after a halftime performance, it means you’re pulling your weight as a bad guy. Good work! But she needs to keep this momentum going in order to remain a top heel in the industry.
Here’s a short list of things she can do the next time she's performing:
--Poop on stage
--Throw her feces at the crowd
--Follow promptly with her signature finishing move.
The only thing that could stop Ashlee Simpson short of the glory she deserves in this biz is a bigger, badder heel or a crippling spine injury.