Do I really look like this guy??
- As I was walking down Broadway yesterday, I heard a young teeny bopping floozy gasp and go, ‘Oh my God! That’s Napoleon!” To which her equally skanked out and startled friend said, “You’re right! Holy crap! I can’t believe he just stepped out of a Pottery Barn!”
So these broads come stomping up to me in their Ugg boots and they’re screaming, “Napoleon! Please, will you sign this piece of paper!” and “Oh, I’m like your biggest fan.”
“I think you’ve got the wrong man, sluts.”
“No we don’t. You’re Napoleon.”
“No! Quit toying with us.”
“Napoleon… the 18th century French Emperor?”
“Yes!!!” the girls shrieked simultaneously.
“No no no. I get a young David Byrne sometimes. Ben Affleck on occasion. And every once in a while that giggling gotard from Arrested Development. Surely you don’t mean…”
“Yes! You are Napoleon. Put your hand like this.” The slags positioned my hand so it was inside my parka. “Now pose.” Then they took a Dave Attell style picture in which they each pretended to lick my face and cup my groin while I stood there like a buffoon.
I started chasing after them but they took off running too fast.