You Call these Christmas Presents??
Snuggle fabric softener is not a christmas present Mom! Neither is a half used tube of antibiotic ointment that I “can just keep.”
Where’s my presents?! I like to think of myself as a Christmas kind of dude. I generally love receiving all kinds of Christmas presents—but not crappy ones! This is the second year in a row I received a Crocodile Mile. Where am I supposed to slide around at? Down the stairs of my brownstone? And how am I supposed to operate this piece of tarp without a garden hose or a chest protector?
Sarcastic thank you very much to Aunt Blair who bought me the Pizzazz frozen pizza rehydrator. She said, “I know how New Yorkers love pizza!” and then handed it to me without a hint of shame or guilt. How dare you.
Little 5 year old Cousin Natalie made me a macaroni necklace. How do I eat this without a packet of powdered cheese product? What a stupid and thoughtless gift!
Don’t people get 6 megapixel digital cameras and Xboxes and used Chrysler LeBarons for Christmas? The only other “gifts” I got were a shirt with a horizontal stripe, a Hulk Hogan Thunder Mixer, and a toothbrush in a baggie. I know it came free with the toothpaste Dad! Dick.
Where’s my LeBaron??