Watch out for that BUS!
Guess who got hit by a speeding double decker tour bus the other day?! You got it—me! I was in Midtown where I love to hang out to shop and eat and have a great time and all of a sudden a huge red bus comes careening into the sidewalk where I was standing. I felt MUCH better after the jaws of life were used to mechanically separate me from the twisted metal and I truly appreciate everyones’ concern over where I’ve been lately. Instead of prayers, please send get-well-soon cards filled with money. You should always assume that if I fail to post each day, then I most likely have been hit by a bus.
Anyways, the past few mornings I’ve been gathering my strength to carry on and I thought I should give you a teaser of what’s to come on this site. I hinted way back in the summer about a weeklong feature on a certain ability of the Golden Girls. That’s coming very soon. It’ll be way tasteful! Oh--this is big--as many of you may know, I’m beginning a new job at the Burning Bridges Greeting Card Company next week! I think they have some new cards out too. You might also recall that I don’t want to work there anymore since I found out that Sebastian Tolliver, this total maniac who is trying to kill me, is going to be my boss there. That’ll sure make for some awkward situations, huh!
I’d quit the job, but do any of you have any idea how unemployable I am? It’s practically mind boggling. The buffet attendants at Ponderosa hide behind the salad bar when they see me walking up in my tuxedo to get an application and a third helping of mac & cheese casserole. I get no respect.
Hey, does anybody like any of these regular wotSAT feature columns: The Positively Opposite Review, Totally IN, Which Did I Care About Less, Newsblitz!, Yesterday I Was Culturally Relevant, or the Say Something Nice To series? You do? Fantastic. They’re all copyright protected now. Don’t even think of stealing them for your blog or publication! See you Monday!