There's a Hot New Restaurant Coming to Midtown
- The Incredibly Bland Sandwich & Tepid Soup Company is in negotiations to open its very first New York restaurant right in the heart of Midtown, Manhattan. An article in The Times said they’re looking for a prime Rockefeller Center area location situated next to a dime-a-dozen pizza counter and an authentic Mexican restaurant owned by Chinese people. No one is more thrilled than I to hear this awesome news.
CEOs at Hale & Hearty Soups and Pret a Manger are rethinking their mission statements and drawing up defensive battle plans at this very moment. One counter spokesperson at Cosi spoke with me on the condition of anonymity that the workers at her store are very upset at the prospect of increased competition in this lucrative terribly lame sandwich and grossly underwhelming soup market, some have made vows on their stained smocks to offer higher standards of customer service to sway consumer loyalty while other coworkers have decided to just up and quit. You have nothing to worry about Lucinda Arroyo-Sanders, there’s no chance this amazing new jewel of a restaurant will put you out of a job.
Or will it? The Incredibly Bland Sandwich et. al Company is going to offer poorly designed sandwiches on 7 grain bread and sub-grocery store brand condensed soups at prices Midtowners love swallowing. Look here: 2 Tablespoons of any soup and a ¼ of an understuffed sandwich – 8.95! Supersize it for 5 Tablespoons of any soup, a quarter of a sandwich and A PICKLE for 12.95. Maybe Lucinda better sign up with a temp agency just in case.
Set to open sometime in 2005, The Incredibly Bland Sandwich & Tepid Soup Company is predicting lines about a mile long at the grand opening.