The Fuckability of The Golden Girls! - Part 4
- Dorothy Zbornak
Let me start off by saying that if I wanted to throw it in a fatalistic botched op trannie, there's plenty of 'em listed in the back pages of the Village Voice--I don't need to go to Miami to get my fix.
I'm in no mood to stand behind Stanley Zbornak for a piece of Dorothy's pie. Why's he always trying to get back in her pants? He knows what's in there--a giant strap on dildo. Someone get this man one for Christmas so he can leave her alone.
Can you even imagine Dorothy's man hands gripped around your tool? I'll reenact it for you:
Dorothy: Do you like it when I do this? *Squeeze*
You: Um...I guess that's okay Dorothy.
Dorothy: How about this? *Squeezes really hard*
You: Er...Could you lighten up just a tad...erk.
Dorothy: Like this? *Rips off penis and sack, throws them into mouth like popcorn chicken, chomps dramatically, then spews the mixture all over you like a scene out of a Dennis Cooper novel while you cry/try to run*
What's a matter pussycat? Didn't like that visual? You'd be thrilled to know she got married on the last episode to Leslie Nielsen and they moved far far away to a town that accepts that sort of thing.
If you threw a party and invited everyone you knew, don't invite the Debbie Downer of the 80's, Dorothy Zbornak.
On a scale of 1 to throbbing boner, Dorothy gets a -2... million!