The Fuckability of The Golden Girls! - Part 1
- Sophia Petrillo
With age comes experience. Sophia is a nonagenarian with the figure of an octogenarian. She's got sass and a thing or two to teach you in the bedroom if she can remember it. She used to be the most beautiful girl in her Sicilian village, but hard times have befallen the matriarch of The Golden Girls over the past 70 years and her youthful good looks have sagged to new lows.
Menopause is everyone's friend when you're old. The major bennie for dudes is that the elderly woman is more apt to partake in mindblowing uprotected sex binges. Because Sophia no longer has periods--her menses is paused--the risk of accidentally bringing another Dorothy into the world is reduced to zero! There is probably no need to worry about VD with her, she's a committed monogamist to the spirit of her deceased husband Sal. Although, we never know for certain what went on in her years at the Shady Pines nursing home, one could assume no one got into those cotton briefs with incontinence liners besides the occasional staff nurse.
There's something in the air though in Miami. The heat, the salty waves--it drives men and women wild. If you do choose to rail Sophia Petrillo, bring plenty of astroglide folks. Chances are that shit is drier than the Atacama desert and tighter than LL Cool J driving a Bentley with one arm. Picture it!
Something I've always wanted to know: What's she always carrying in that purse of her's--series E savings bonds? An alterable will? When you're taking a break from engaging in coital acts, you can find out once and for all after you help her get up to pee.
NYC Sophia enthusiasts can find real life impersonators working at Rosemary's Greenpoint Tavern in Brooklyn.
On a scale of 1 to throbbing boner, Sophia gets a 1!
5 Comments:
i may actually be sick.
Wait til Dorothy day, April.
That was excellent but I was disappointed you didn't mention anything about the fact that you wouldn't have to worry about her using her teeth cause they come out at night.
I'm trying to run a respectable enterprise here. Plus! I can't blow my wad of old people jokes on just one of these broads. There's 3 more days!
While I know this is just a joke, post-menopausal women aren't "apt to partake in mindblowing uprotected sex binges" because menopause makes their vagina atrophy, dry up, and get thinner/rougher. Sex becomes painful after 60 because there's no natural lube and artificial lubes don't even come close. At her age, it'd hurt like hell.
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