First Day at the New Job - Part 3
- "What floor appeals to you... Miss?" Sebastian squealed. I could feel his eyes focusing on my large red debutante hat.
I am stuck in an elevator with the two turds I hoped I wouldn't run into. My plan was to sneak into work late and just sort of pretend to have been there all day. If they realize it’s me kneeling to tie and retie my shoes down here, I'm in for quite a tongue lashing.
So, I clear my throat, adjust my Adam's apple, and let out two deep coughs. In a cracking falsetto like Prince in anything from Purple Rain, I say, "Oh. 32. I want to stop at the 32nd floor, kind man. You're such a dear if you push that button for me." DAMN, it smells really gamey at this level--adjacent from Bobo Bridges' crotch.
Sebastian presses the buttons and blathers to Bobo, "So, I heard these sandwiches from The Incredibly Bland Sandwich & Tepid Soup Company are blander than anything anyone has ever tasted. I think they got straight 15s in the Zagat Survey. That is something I've just gotta try!"
"Mmmmmmyesss. I partook in the iceberg lettuce and shredded carrot double decker the other day. It was delightful! I don't like it when tastiness takes over a sandwich."
"Me neither. What about the soup?"
"Oh, the temperature is lukewarm in the most succinct way! Mmmmmm."
Bobo added, “Hey, Sebastian, did Nate, the new hire, ever show up? He was supposed to be here at 9:30."
"I haven't seen him yet, sir."
"That's odd, he seemed so committed at the interview. If he doesn’t have the drive to be the 2nd Assistant to the Vice President of Consumer Affairs’ Assistant, there are probably a half dozen other dynamic people in this city who’d leap at the chance. He is easily replaceable.”
"That he is, sir."
"I could replace him with a broom handle probably."
"Excuse me," I interrupt, "he must have some worth," I say in my squeaky female impersonator voice while continuing to fidget with my shoes.
Sebastian fields this one, "No. If you saw him, you'd know that he's a preposterous boob. You would also want this boob killed because The Council needs him alive for the information he has contained in his pea sized brain. If I could assassinate him or hold him hostage, I would have the leverage to finally exact revenge on the group that left me behind on a mission."
"TMI, Sebastian! T-M-I!" Bobo announces jovially, "Here's our floor!"
To Be Continued!