Which Did I Care Less About?: The American Music Awards or the VIBE Awards
- Although I had zero interest in watching either of them, people have demanded I choose once and for all which recent awards show I cared the least about.
Readers might instantly react, "The winneroftheSAT hates minorities! Obviously, he cared about the Vibe Awards the least!!" That is a bold faced lie! I look beyond color. It doesn’t matter if you’re cerulean, magenta, maize, or any other skin tone that doesn't exist, I promise right here that I will hold an equal and extreme amount of contempt for everyone who isn’t me regardless of racial purity.
Moving forward, I'll reenact one of many startling crimes that sums up the AMAs. For best Favorite Band, Duo, or Group - Pop or Rock, the nominees are: Evanescence, Nickelback, and Outkast. C'mon Nickelback, come on Nickelback! And the winner is... Outkast! What?! That’s bullshit, man! If your whole awards show strives to rest on laurels of buttrocking mediocrity, we all know that Nickelback got totally robbed. They are so good and so awesome. Nickelback should have won every category. This show is for gaywads. I <3 NIckelback 4EVER!!!
Want to hear something even more preposterous? Nickelback wasn't invited to the Vibe Music Awards!! Neither was Evanescence! Who was at your awards show then, Vibe? Missy Elliot, Russell Simmons, 50-cent, Tyra Banks, N.E.R.D,, Dre. Hmmm. Wait a second. These people are somewhat culturally relevant! What's the deal? No Brooks & Dunn? Maybe if you had Ronnie & Kix at your awards show, you could get a piece of that lucrative toothless hillbilly market that the AMAs adores.
Just look at this list of presenters at the American Music Awards: Brooks & Dunn, Kelly Clarkson, Sheryl Crow, Matthew Fox, Kenny G, Eva Longoria, Michael McDonald, MercyMe, Kelly Osbourne, Nicolette Sheridan, Anna Nicole Smith, the Ying Yang Twins, and the ultimate kiss of death, Kathy Griffin. I'd rather eat a bowl of scabs. I don’t even need to clarify.
At least with the Tuesday airing of the Vibe Awards, people are getting stabbed, punched in the head, and clobbered with chairs. It's always a welcome pleasantry to have a night of these actions to fill the lull between Monday Night RAW and Smackdown on Thursdays.
I cared the least about The American Music Awards!