Pre-employment Screening Psychological Written Exam
- 1. Black people--your thoughts?
A. I love them.
2. Why do you hate black people?
A. See above. What kind of questions are these???
3. What did black people ever do to you?
A. Black people never did anything to me.
4. If you were in a room with just you and 50 black people, what would you say to them?
A. I would introduce myself to each one personally and say, “You look lovely. How do you do?”
5. Lemme get this straight, you have nothing bad to say about black people?
A. Well, now that I think about it...in middle school, I was drawn into a slight altercation because I was dating this girl Jenny Milquetoast and this African American guy, Bill, wanted to date her too. It started with a french fry being thrown at me at lunch. I wasn’t just gonna sit there and let some guy throw greasy potatoes at me. What ensued was a full scale race riot that spilled out of the cafeteria, feeding into the race riot occuring simultaneously in the school library, and ultimately flooding out onto the streets. I don’t blame Bill or his people for anything. I’ve grown up. I’ve moved on.
6. What’s your favorite color?
7. What were the last 5 things you stole from an employer?
8. Is it ever OK to steal from your employer?
A. Absolutely not.
9. Have you ever been convicted of a felony?
A. Convicted? No. Wrongfully accused? Yes.
10. If we fired you just for laughs would you come back the next day and shoot the place up?
That wasn't so bad! I think I put down all the right answers. When I finished the written exam, I had another review with an on-site psychologist. He scribbled on his legal pad extensively while I chatted. He asked me why my face was all bloody and why I was wearing a tuxedo to the interview and I confided in this professional the story about how I had to pretend I was stabbed because I was running late and that I always dress to make a good first impression. He then told me I was one of the most interesting people he's ever met and that he'd like to continue seeing me! Continue seeing me=I'm a shoe-in for the job!! I hope!
The interview process continues next week!