Positively Opposite Review - NBC's The Biggest Loser!
- The heaviest hitter to gobble up my attention span this fall is NBC’s The Biggest Loser! There’s so much to love! The Biggest Loser will never be a colossal failure like The Restaurant 2, Last Comic Standing, or Average Joe: Adam Returns, because this show has a whole lot of a major key ingredient that America hungers for on TV: Unsightly Blubber!
NBC clearly knows what the people want. After 10 years of force-feeding Friends to us, the network executives are meeting us at the dinner table. Times have changed since several months ago, man. A show about beautiful and slender New Yorkers might have been a ratings jackpot THEN, but it’s so obvious the public demands morbidly obese hilljacks with man-titties NOW. It appeals to me in so many ways!
Hey, hey, hey! If you’re thinking that this show is just exploiting helpless fatties, you are so hugely wrong! The fatty who stops being a fatty the most wins 250,000 dollars! That’s almost 90,000 bags of Cheetos! Or a down payment on a Ranch Dressing factory!
Here’s how it works--12 bloated slags are divided into two teams! On the one team: Shamu, Jabba, Boss Hogg, Ms. Piggy, Big Bertha, and a former Richard Simmons video backup dancer named Cindy. On team two: Bessie, the guy who was airlifted out of his home on that episode of Jerry Springer, a dude from the cover of The Weekly World News, Free Willy, and King Hippo! These enormous humans then compete in physical fitness contests against each other like performing a sit up or doing arm twirlies. Inspiring!
At the end of each episode, America’s Sweetheart and host of the show, Caroline Rhea, chooses the least sweatiest and says the hottest new catchphrase, “You’re a fat fuck!” Then the blimps lumber slowly back to their homes made of butter and cry about how they’ll never have a chance to be skinny without national television. Whoo!
Imagine you are eating chocolate cake and then you take the sharp fork and start stabbing yourself in the gut with it. That is something I would never do while watching The Biggest Loser!! This show is so much better than self inflicted flatware wounds! Seeing these people go from fat to marginally less fat shows how the human spirit can sit on any chair and totally break it. On a scale of 1 to 10 McGriddles, I give it 10!!! Phattest. Show. Ever!!!
Don’t have time to watch it now? Wait for the whole season on special edition DVD with a 2.35:1 aspect ratio!! Widescreen baby!
Other Positively Opposite Reviews
Father of the Pride!
Little Black Book world premiere!