save this cat, originally uploaded by winnerofthesat.

Just a reminder: Oasis is still due to be--how do I put this lightly...destroyed. He’s seven short business days away from a big needle filled with the metaphorical indifference of a community that won’t take a poor cat (who pees everywhere indiscriminately) into its cold, unfeeling arms. Please consider adopting him if you can.

Moving on. So last Friday, this guy Sebastian calls me up. I wasn’t planning on picking up the phone but I foolishly did and the next thing I hear is this guy who sounds 1 part Hatebreed, 2 parts The Locust, and 3 parts Jim J. Bullock squealing in my ear.

So I let him say what he had to say. Sebastian mentioned going back to the hospital to finish the job on Debbie. To which I replied, “Wait, she’s still alive??” He then discussed how “The Council” supposedly set him up and now he wants revenge on his former colleagues. He was also saying something disconcerting about how I should sleep with one eye open. Have you ever listened to a hardcore song for more than 20 seconds? Give me a break.

Well, this guy’s voice was annoying and I was hungry and the rest of his droll monologue was drowned out with my electric tin opener. I was trying to open a can of Spaghetti-Alphabets & Tomato Gravy. The cutter kept getting stuck and the whirring noise continued for the duration of Sebastian’s grandstanding.

He wasn’t getting the hint, so finally I said, “Look pal, I have to go.”

He did too, thank God. He howled, “Fine. I do too. I have some more revenge to dish out. You have no idea how important you are to The Council, Nate S. You should really read Debbie’s blog to get a marginally better understanding. You’re the perfect bait to lure in other Council Members for me to beat up.” It just went on and on.

“Hey, do you have a blog?” I interrupted.

“Yeah, it’s http://www.sebas....Wait a second! I’m not tellling you! If you saw it you’ll learn about my motives and all my darkest secrets. I have Site Meter, If I see you’ve been snooping around on my blog, I swear...” And he went on and on again until I hung up.

I looked around the studio apartment, “Oh, what am I going to do,” I sighed and sat on the lower bunkbed. The apartment was so debressing. Debbie’s trinkets were set up just the way she left them--broken and flung wildly everywhere because she and Sebastian were throwing down. Oasis jumped into my lap. He knows I’m sad. I patted his head while my pants flooded with a torrent of cat pee.