The Birth of Oasis
I’ve received a light flow day’s worth of emails asking me to tell a nice story about Oasis as a kitten before he gets deleted from the annals of this site. Since this cat belongs to my presumably dead roommate Debbie and not me, I can't even imagine what it was like to raise the walking pee puddle because I don't care to use my brain for such tasks. I will, however, relay to you a heartening tale that Debbie once told me about the birth of the little one.
“Ripped from the sacrificial womb of a beseiged fecund Abyssinian mother via emergency DIY Caesarian, Oasis is the first of 8 precious kitten fetuses to emerge from the once safe harbour of nourishing placental walls--now hostile and dismissive. The bulbous belly expectorates and convulses. God smotes in mysterious ways and on the evening of this beleaguered labor, of the remaining kittens removed from their primordial birth goo, only one would survive the transfer from fetal mass to earthbound organism. The final seven delivered--all stillborn. The mother looked at her blind shivering baby kitten, licked him with what last bits of energy she had, then perished.
Trying to make sense of all this misfortune, I made a sworn vow to raise this lonely, helpless kitten to the best of my ability. Had I been lactating myself, I would gladly offer the milks of my own teet. I would do anything to keep him alive and well and wanted to uphold the spirit of the brave mother cat. When, the time came to come up with a name, I named him Oasis--because he is a reminder that life can exist against all odds in even the most inhospitable and barren of lands.”
And I've renamed him "Future High School Biology Lab Cat." Enough with the waterworks. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a very important job interview to prepare for. I can't keep going to interviews in urine drenched Pierre Cardin suits. Can you?? 5 more business days!