Totally IN...in a NYC public bathroom stall!
- I spend a lot of time in the bathroom. A LOT. In an effort to feed you the truth about what's really hip in New York, here is the second installment of the "Totally IN" series. Read the first one here!
-Saying really loudly, "Howabout that George Michael? Can you believe getting sucked off in one of these? That'd be something!"
-Peeing onto the floor near the divider just to see if the person in the stall next to you will say anything.
-Reading the New York Post while pooping. Thus creating a metamodern moment: Reading crap while excreting it.
-Challenging others to the new New York chicken-esque craze--the Laxative Highball.
-Milking the cow
-Breakin' the seal
-Talking on your celly. Don't worry about the line of broads outside.
-Hotsyncing your palm pilot and your laptop.
-Preparing for the rest of your blind date by turning your B cups into Double D's.
-Worshipping the Goddess of Never Been Cleaned Porcelin.
-Starting a hepatitis epidemic.
-Reciting Chekhov monologues to heighten dramatic tension.
-Contemplating the maddening Freudian dilemma of losing a part of you that you will never ever get back.
-Unloading all your retarded party flyers.
-Exposing the truth in writing about ex-girlfriend Jenny: She's a Slut!
-When in doubt of what to scrawl with your jumbo Sharpie, go with an old favorite: "Rats Live on No Evil Star" or "Satan, Oscillate My Metallic Sonatas." That shit is deep.
**Note for Tourists**If you really need to go and you're walking the city streets, a Starbucks is always nearby where you can pretend to think about buying something. Worm into the bathroom when the barista turns his or her back. Then, systematically proceed completing the items on this list to feel like a true New Yorker.