Somethin's still fishy about my new roommate - Part 2
- I pressed my face up against the 3rd story window pane to get a better look at this gelatinous black blob of a character pushing the buzzer down below. She looked up right at me and I think our eyes met. I couldn’t really tell because the dark bedsheet she had fashioned into clothing was consuming most of her head, covering all but a small slit for her eyeballs. I nervously ducked under the glass so she couldn’t see me. Crap. I explicitly said no fatties in the roommate wanted post I put on Craigslist. Crawling towards the other side of the room, my quivering hand reached out for the light switch to turn it off.
“I’m not fat!!” she screamed suddenly. I gasped. Who was this broad kidding?
“Yes you are!” I loudly countered, emboldened by her preposterous declaration. I jumped back in front of the window and pushed it to the top so I could stick the whole of my upper torso out the building as I added, “Nate’s not home! Go away!”
“Look Nate, I’m wearing an extremely huge burqa plus the strong wind is accentuating my enormity. I’m really a size 4. It’s very in right now to wear baggy burqas. Much like those XL shirts you wore in the 90’s.”
“Sorry Jabba, I don’t’ remember the 90’s. Um...also, my name’s not Nate! My name is....uh..,” I scrambled for any semblance of a fake name, my eyes darted to the VHS tape of Lord of the Rings on the floor of the living room, “My name is Bilbo Baggins! Now git!”
“I know who you are. We know who you are,” the obstreperous cow stated. She extended the antenna of the satellite phone she was holding to it’s full length--approximately 3 feet--and she began to speak into it using some crazy language I’ve yet to study and master.
“Who is we?”
She politely placed her hand over the receiver of the phone and replied,“The television broadcasting company I work for. We know all about you.”
Hmm. Maybe she isn’t so fat. “Can you get me a job there?”
“If you have the right skill set.”
I bounded down the stairs of the walk-up, sprung open the door and smiled the most authentic smile I could muster, “I hope that burqa has pockets.”
“Why’s that...Bilbo Baggins?”
“Because you best be carrying a checkbook on you somehow.”
She laughed heartily. I didn’t get what was so funny, so I just pretended to laugh.
“Why don’t you come in and take a look at the hovel...er, apartment...uh...”
“Debbie. Call me Debbie.”
“Okay, Deb.” I tugged her by her silly full-body cloak into the entranceway and we started up the stairs...
Tomorrow: The exciting Conclusion of the First Appearance of Debbie Story Arc! A clue about Debbie's fishiness can be found somewhere within this link.