Winning post-interview thank you letter
- Douglas Dunjamabab,
Human Resources Director
Duane Reade Drugstore #1257
RE: Our interview on July 14th
Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to interview with you last week. It was a) a wonderful experience and b) my pleasure. I wanted to send this thank-you note and the enclosed prismatic 25 dollar Circuit City giftcard I found in my roommate’s wallet to remind you of the great time I had talking to you.
I would like to jog your memory with some of the innumerable reasons to hire me. One—my Bachelor of Arts degree from a ranked university. Clearly, someone with such heightened and perspicacious comparative reasoning skills as me is someone well suited for the front lines of Duane Reade. Your customers deserve a clerk with a Bachelor’s degree to ring up their suppositories, prophylactics, and Pringles. Your customers want a human who can dial the in-store phone for a price check as well as one who could hold a conversation on the postwar impact of the Bauhaus in the western hemisphere. I know this because I was once that customer with a mispriced tube of KY in the hand and a fun fact about German expressionism in the mouth. Or was it the other way around?
Two—my customer service skills are second to none. In fact, they are so impeccable that I will begin phasing out the word "customer" from my vocabulary. I will now refer to “those people” as “guests.” I promise to never even pronounce the word “guest” with the same tone as one would pronounce the word “bastard.” I value and treasure them.
Three—I would like to point out that I already own a shapeless navy blue smock, so you would not be throwing away countless dollars on unrecoverable uniform costs.
Another thing—You’ve got to admit that we had a good time during the interview. You must have noticed that my unblinking eye contact could pierce the densest stones. Wavering eyes suggest wavering motivations. Not me. From the moment I met your supple hand with mine, I furrowed my brow and looked deep into your stunning eyes. I wanted you to get a real good feel of me. Surely, you were also impressed by the rented tuxedo and the matching boutonniere I wore. Remember that elderly sounding woman who called earlier in the day of the interview to find out what color tie you were wearing? That was no woman.
And please—return the 2nd page of this thank you note in the provided SASE. On page 2 you will see the two questions: “Are you gonna hire me?” and “Does Duane Reade’s company policy prohibit discreet manager/employee sexual conduct?” with corresponding [ ]YES or [ ]NO boxes next to them. Please take your time and fill in all boxes with the CORRECT answers. Once again, thank you so much. Please call me ASAP for a 2nd interview. I look forward to joining your team. Godwilling, this note will find its way into your hands and your heart.
Very Truly Yours,